You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
