i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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