I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
