Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize