You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize