I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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