But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize