yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Randomize
