Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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