there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
