He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
