I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
