bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
