Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
