If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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