I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
