are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
