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before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize