Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Randomize
