Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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