This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
