I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
