I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
please don't ironically join a cult
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