I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
All I want is dick and wine.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
