yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i will never coherently bang her
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize