Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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