I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
