New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
