you guys were way drunker than both of me
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
