i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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