The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
