So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
the condom got lost in my hair
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
