you would pick up someone in the library
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize