Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
