After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
