i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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