Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize
