I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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