Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
