If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
