if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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