please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
