my phone needs a breathalizer
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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