What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
