got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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