yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
