If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize