this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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