YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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