ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
