im drinking this country out of the recession.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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