My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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