Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
