Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
