I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
