I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
