i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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