Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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