Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
