ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
