He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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