i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You left your phone here
Wait...
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