all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
