Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Damn victory sex feels great
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
