Tell her she can't have a vagina
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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