KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Mom said you looked used
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
