I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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