Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Let's get the cat blown out
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
