Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
