Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
