I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Rumble strips road head = magical
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
