That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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