hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
