I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
