I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize