I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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