I'm sorry my penis didn't work
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
