This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
