u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
