i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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