Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
