I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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