it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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