I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
