Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
