I wanna bring you to show and tell
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
