Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
