I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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