I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
