peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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