i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
