I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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