It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
