listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
