I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
