Little spoons don't ask big questions
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
