yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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