just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
