Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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