So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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