Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
